Torn

Lately as I think about career possibilities I am torn between two different lives: the life of Action, Success, and Achievement versus the life of Simplicity, Frugality, and Peace.

The First Life

For the first life I imagine myself working in international politics as a diplomat or for an NGO like the International Committee of the Red Cross. Work would be done in faraway places to resolve issues of peace and conflict.

I would get pleasure from helping people and nations and from the admiration of others for my tireless efforts.



The Second Life

The second life has a less clear work aspect but the other parts of it are clearer. They are: living simply, frugally, peacefully. Writing and music and stillness. Being active and healthy and spending time away from cities in wilderness. Dancing whenever possible. And even having a family.



But I ask myself, what kind of job would support and give meaning to this way of life? What is the quiet and calm job that could sustain myself and others?

A librarian?

A counselor?

A forest ranger? (Something I once wanted to be when I was a child).

And if I choose not to identify myself by my work doesn't this free up my choices considerably?

Choices, Dreams

Sometimes I want to give up having to choose a path due to the overwhelming number of choices. And yet I feel strongly that everyone is responsible for their own life. All life, really.

Forgive me these dreams if they sound quixotic or outlandish; but know that they are close to me. And even if they are never realized they give a sort of sweetness for the daily grind.

May you find own dreams and desires, especially the ones you never knew you had; these two are some of mine.